Do you know how she spies on you?
When you're lost in your dreams?
Do you yearn to open your eyes and find her beside you?
What do you hope for? Her love?
A lifetime of answers in a simple smile?
A trace of truth in the sweet scent she leaves behind?
Is it even worth it?
When you can blindly read your fate whenever she is near?
Is she worth it?
/\../\ /\../\ /\../\ /\../\ /\../\ /\../\ /\../\ /\../\
DEATH
"Mortals are immortals and immortals are mortals, the one living the
other's death and dying the other's life." ~ Heraclitus
"One should make a feast out of one's death." ~ Nietzsche
"The continuous task of your life is to build death." ~ Montaigne
"There is nothing serious in mortality...all is but toys." ~ MacbethII
"No human eye penetrates the shadows of death and we are misled by the
delusions of belief." ~ Aeschylus
"Christianity has exploited the weakness of the dying for a rape of the
conscience." ~ Nietzsche
"There is nothing too good for the dead." ~ W. Hohenschuh
"While I thought I was learning how to live, I was learning how to die."
~ Leonardo da Vinci
"The order of the world is shaped by death." ~ Camus
"Who knows if what's called death is not life and life not death?"
~ Euripides
"And I saw, and behold, a pale horse, and its rider's name was Death."
~ Revelation 6:7
THEDIVINEPUNISHMENT
PITY
On my back waiting for her, yet the face in my dreams is bare,
I hear her voice whispering to me, yet reveal herself she won't dare.
In truth I know its all in my mind, yet I had to give into someone,
But reveal what you know of my secret so dear and all will come undone.
I have accepted my forlorn fate, if thats how the story must go,
Destined to watch others dancing above while I must remain below.
I never spoke the words to be without love, yet when it came to me I
ran,
So in seclusion I'll roam with my eyes emotionless, led by Sorrow's
hand.
What a pitiful heart was bestowed upon me an innocent, little girl,
Do they think I don't notice the shame in their eyes? The sea did not
create their pearl.
They must be frightened of me, of my heinous ways but their sympathy
only makes me laugh,
Drowning in an existance void of tomorrows, I'm forced to regret my
past.
BEAUTY IN LIFE
I'm looking at the world through eyes that don't want to see what life
has to offer
I'm wrapping my frail arms around a lover made of deceit
Around me is nothing I dare to understand
On my knees I'm withering away
There is no one that can solve this murder
For evil is too delicate in her ways
Preaching to the children already lost in their dwellings
Senses swollen shut and refusing to aknowledge
Anything that taunts them to regret
OBEY
They told me they knew my secrets
They told me that they hated me
They beat me dragged me and locked me up
They told me they loved me
They fed me food off the ground
They told me I was crazy
They made me take off all of my clothes
They told me that they cared
They left me in a dungeon
They forced me to tell it all
They made me feel ashamed
They called me the Devil
They told me they loved me
They sent me far away
They broke apart my dreams
They told me I needed this
They parted me from my love
They forced me to give up
They spit on me
They told me that they cared
They made the doctors feel me
They said they understood
They wanted me alone
They took my identity
They ripped apart my every thought
They told me I was wrong
They kissed me
They doubted my intelligence
They took me from my home
They called me a whore
They called me a liar
They watched me touch myself
They made false promises
They told me they would help
They took my sanity and insanity
They made me hurt myself
They made me confess to priests
They would not let me die
TO YOUR ALTER
Take this piece of my battered soul
Cut it to become your mistress
Give yourself the pleasure that makes me cringe
The little girl I know isn't frightened anymore
Forgotten, alone and happy
God help me
Let me help you God
I offer my womanly blood that drips with the cycles of the moon
To your alter
Take it, drink it
Thrive on it
ME
The answer to my own question
Will stare me in the face
As his blood spills forth
I shall listen for his silent scream
I'll thrive on his slow death
And my life shall commence
An empty reflection
A dead rose
Me
LUST and MISERY
Fear holds me by the throat and stares deep into my eyes
My eyes burn from blood, sweat, cum and tears dripping down my face
My body hangs upon the cross, frail, and nude.
I try to thrust myself from my prison, only to provoke the whip to
crack across my thigh.
The heat overwhelms me...I cry out as the wax slides down my body.
A gag is forced into my mouth which gasps for air.
A tongue slides across my cuts... a moan fills my ears.
I can see nothing through my own tears,
Why has this been done to me?
Out of love?
I smile
My life is nothing but a punishment for what I have become.
It is a haunt for the gullible.
I would rather befriend eternal solitude,
Than have faith constantly spit in my face.
Forgive me, forget me
Loose me...regret me
Watch me fall
and listen for my laugh
As my poor soul weeps
for what she has lost
Shall never live again
In the life of the damned
Sometimes I think that I am being punished for what brings me pleasure.
Sometimes I think that I am being punished for the look in my mother's
eyes when she stares at me.
Sometimes I think that I am being punished for nothing at all; I am
just the toy of tainted angels.
Sometimes I think that I am being punished for the words that I speak.
Sometimes I think that I am being punished for my thoughts...
when I am getting myself off.
Sometimes I wonder why I am being punished.
LEAVE ME
I once knew all that I wanted, I once pretended I'd have the last
laugh...
But the prison of illusion has long been full, and now my time has
passed.
I've been poisoning myself with heretical thoughts that I have deemed
my truth,
Preaching to all the children I bear for they inquire not of proof.
I've created a prayer of distorted pleas contrived to condone my ways,
So I'll be faced with no regret and the chaste will be turned away.
I used to dance to the voices of angels and forget the sorrow I knew,
But I've long been deaf to the chants from above and the dreams that I
wanted to lose.
Why can't my name just be forgotten...for my tomb's already prepared,
Decorated with the long since dried tears of those who really cared.
SHE
She stares into the mirror, and does not recognize the girl that
stares back.
Her reflection smiles at her, the same smile that fools all who
surround her.
But deep within her own eyes, she knows what they do not.
Look alittle closer, look at the cruel misery that has infected those
eyes.
They do not lie...the disease is visable in her eyes, it is her only
weakness.
She cannot manipulate or deceive what truth lies in her eyes.
Even if she scratched them out with her own nails...they would still
haunt her in her blind dreams.
HATE
The music begins, the slow, sinister, and taunting song,
She closes her eyes, lowers her head, and thinks of him...
knowing its wrong.
Raising her arms to cut the dense smoke that crawls throughout the
space above,
Alone she moves, fighting the sensation to creep tword her one true
love.
Does he see her? She cannot bare the thought of him so near...
Silently her emotions tremble...her desires turn cold into fear.
The multitude of stars that bless the night skies could not
even compare,
To challenge the many hopeless thoughts that she craves to fulfill,
but won't dare.
The song fills her, it whispers to her that it know all of her
inquiries,
It covers her, seeping into her soul...like a deadly, unholy disease.
She looks at him, once again, but now she sees with new eyes...
And sees nothing before her of that she once knew, except her own
rotted lies.
His skin is now hanging from his once fragile limbs and his eyes are
but decaying pits,
The smell of aborted children that surrounds his corpse forces a
scream from his bloody lips.
He tears at his mutated self, like its the asylum for unrighteous
mankind,
And he sees her laughing at his tragic end...a victim and witness that
she will malign.
After writing these words, I thought to myself...I wonder how many
conceited individuals will read this and think "This has to be about
me!" We'll leave it at that.
APLAGUEMASS
CORPSE
Eyes of steel
Hand I dread
The lie of love, I thee wed
Loss of faith
Mind embraced
Feed me what I long to taste
FALL WITH ME
His eyes are closed, he is lost in a place that I am preparing to
enter.
I feel his arms around me, as we forget ourselves in the abscence we
have created for one another.
He tells me to turn back, but it is far too late. I am already so far
from the self I once knew...
There is no more. The silence gives me peace.
My thoughts have overcome me, my physical body is now only an
illusion, a memory.
I remember his gaze, so lost, yet so sure.
I give myself to him, from what I have known and always will know...
lonliness and fear.
"Do not churchgoers ask for the Second Coming, and do not business
concerns distribute to their shareholders profits from merchandise of
death, and do not superstates together with 'developing nations' live
in anticipation, and is not the morbid disconcern but a rejoicing in
such anticipation?" ~ Immanuel Velikovsky
"I shall not rest
and I will not rest
As a man who has been blinded by the storm
And waits for angels by the road
while the Devil waits for me at night
with knives and lies and smiles
and straps me down...
But we who have gone before
Do not rest in peace
We who have died
Shall never rest in peace
Remember me?
Unburied I am screaming in the bloody furnaces of hell
And only ask for you
to raise your weary eyes to the sun
until the sun has set
for we who have gone before do not reat in peace
We who have died
shall never rest in peace
There is no rest
until the fighting's done.
And I see Angels Angels Devils!
coming for to drag me to the grave." ~ Diamanda Galas
THE REALIZATION
every thought that you scream will haunt you
every cross that you damn will haunt you
every word that you cry will haunt you
every night that you hold yourself will haunt you
you are alone
there is nothing
and you are scared
THRIVE ON THE HOPELESSNESS
here, she sits. in solitude, with her vacant desires.
so powerful to her... so meaningless to those who surround her.
she weeps... to be left alone. left alone with the thoughts that fill
her.
she is crying to nothing but herself. yet, she refuses to listen.
she is holding herself, trembling. with nothing to lose but the lies
that she has manipulated to become truth.
therefore, no such truth exists.
nothing exists, but the visions that contain her deceptive soul.
her eternal essance, her death.
"Perverseness is one of the primitive impulses of the human heart"
~ Poe
RAPE
Staring at you I wonder, just from where you've come,
Staring at you I fear, how quickly my heart has come undone.
Yet I crave for you to take me, my body and my soul,
I want for you to take whats yours, I give to you control.
Rape my mind with thoughts of you, until I can bear no more,
Carve into my prescious body, your sin that I adore.
Feed from my luscious, red blood, you are my god to be,
Condemn me in my unholiness, and finally set me free.
Take me to your alter, and nail me upon your throne,
Whisper to me my absolution, that I am now your own.
I have grown blind, to all eyes but yours,
They are all that I wish to see, they are what I live for.
I am trapped in a game, that I gave my life to play,
But I knew well that I chose my death the moment I first saw your face.
Toward the last
The truth of others was untruth to me;
The justice of others injustice to me;
Their reasons for death, reasons with me for life;
Their reasons for life, reasons with me for death;
I would have killed those they saved,
And saved those they killed.
And I was how a god, if brought to earth,
Must act out what he saw and thought,
And could not live in this world of men
And act among them side by side
Without continual clashes.
The dust's for crawling, heaven's for flying-
Wherefore, O soul, whose wings are grown,
Soar upward to the sun.
~Edgar Lee Masters
If you don't know of everything listed here...thats too bad.
*Shadow Project
*The Cure
*London After Midnight
*Faith and the Muse
*Arcana
*Elijah's Mantle
*Lycia
*Stoa
*Loveliescrushing
*Arcanta
*Malign
*Soft Cell
*Madonna
*Dead Can Dance
*Cranes
*Switchblade Symphony
*Sisters
*Suspiria
*Einsturzende Neubauten
*Two Witches
*Attrition
*Chopin
*Wumpscut
*Skinny Puppy
*Haujobb
*La Floa Maldita
*Catherine Wheel
*Electric Hellfire Club
*The Merry Thoughts
*Cocteau Twins
*This Mortal Coil
*Thrill Kill Kult
*Out Out
*The Fair Sex
*Drown
*GLOD
*The Shroud
*Lush Garden
*The Wake
*Mantra
*Stereotaxic Device
*Corpus Delicti
*Rosetta Stone
*Mephisto Waltz
*Eva O
*Ministry
*Virgin Prunes
*Crash Worship
*Fields of the Nephilim
*Super Heroines
*Bel Canto
*Love is Colder than Death
*This Ascension
*My Bloody Valentine
*Cindy Lauper
*Apoptygma Berzerk
*Nine Inch Nails
*Siouxsie
*Poetry of Shadows
*Midnight Mourning
*Revolting Cocks
*Bach
*Babes in Toyland
*Download
*Christian Death
*PWEI
*Love Spirals Downward
*Diamanda Galas
*Mortiis
*Miranda Sex Garden
*Scorn
*Bowery Electric
*raison d'etre
*Death in June
*Fektion Fekler
*Strange Boutique
*Collection D'Arnelle
*Die Form
*Cintecele Diavolvi
*Ildfrost
*Nacht
*Puissance
*The Protagonist
*In Slaughter Natives
*Falling Janus
*Anubis
*Trance To The Sun
*Machine In The Garden
*Dead Voices On Air
*Autumn Tears
*Les Joyaux de la Princesse
*Bleeding Like Mine
*Sanctum
there are no such things as happy endings, because nothing ends
